Admittedly, we were a little tough on the Beavers in Corvallis last Saturday. My group of friends went north in full force – all right, two of us went. I must commend Mr. JP (Ness) Lapeyre for risking marital harmony and joining me. How much of life is showing up?
We’re pathetic in our old age. Before long, none of us will go to a game -- like in a week at Washington State, for instance. As Triumph the Insult Comic Dog said about Star Jones on “The View” this week, “She’s lost so much weight, I can’t even see her on the set anymore.” Hey, I do the difficult research so that you don’t need to.
You see, what’s funny about that is that Barbara WaWa finally wised up this year and kicked Star to the curb, which caused a tremor that traumatized the Tri-State Area until seismologists declared that no earthquake occurred. All right, enough talk about “The View.” Ever since Lisa Ling left the show, it’s been too depressing to watch.
Speaking of the East Coast, if you expect me to stop railing about the bias against The West, I have a song from Judas Priest for you: “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’.”
• My anger about the East Coast bias has reached an unbearable boil. ESPN released its new Bottom 10 poll this week, and they ranked Stanfurd only #6? That’s an outrage! How about these numbers: Record: 0-5. Points allowed vs. points scored: 187-63. Rushing yards allowed: 282.8 yards per game. No. 6? No respect!
I’m not going to spend a lot of time discussing the Cal-Portland State game. The Bears prevailed 42-16, but games against Division 1-AA teams are no-win situations. It’s much like when your girlfriend asks you whether her new dress makes her look fat. If you say, “No, absolutely not,” then you don’t gain anything, because that’s what you’re supposed to say. If you say that it does, then you suffer a monumental loss. As my female friend said at a party after the game, you cannot win with women or when playing Division 1-AA teams.
Despite the lackluster Cal performance in the No-Win Bowl, the weekend brought us plenty of fun around the football world:
• It wasn’t all rough sailing for Vikings. Ryan Longwell led Minnesota to a comeback victory over Carolina with a fake-field-goal TD pass and three field goals, including the game-winner in overtime.
• Quick: Who leads former Golden Bears in NFL touchdown passes this season?
• Cal beat Minnesota one week, the Vikings the next… hey, who’s up for a party boat?
• That was an inspirational effort by the Mighty Color as they opened the new Stanfurd Stadium. Navy dominated on the ground with 367 yards and cruised to a 37-9 victory.
Every week is an education. While recovering from the beating that we took in Tennessee, I learned the following lessons before, during and after Cal’s 42-17 schooling of Minnesota:
• Our offensive line played large. They did everything and did it well: run-blocked, pass-blocked… Hell, left guard Erik Robertson even watched my friend’s kids for a half an hour. Wait, that was me.
• After a shaky start, Nate Longshore impressed me by staying tough and delivering ball after ball on the money. It helps when your play-caller remembers that you have a dominant running attack and your line gives you all day to throw.
• Longshore must have read my blog entry about the Tennessee game when I wrote that a sidestep or two will often do when you’re avoiding a rush. He’s never going to earn the nickname, “The next Steve Young,” but he can continue to improve his pocket presence and buy time like some slow guy for the New England Patriots does.
• Buying a pre-game tequila shot for a waitress is a little less entertaining when she drinks it behind the corner of the bar without you.